iPod Warning!!!!!!

I have been wanting an ipod for the longest time, and when I finally got it, I was thrilled!  I immediately downloaded the latest music and began using my ipod.  One day as I rode the subway home, I had this urge to let one pass.  Having the music blasting in my ears, I decide to go for it.  Thank God there weren’t that many casualties around me, as I am still not sure if my smell bomb made much noise.  I hope not.

I realized all too late that even though I may not hear my fart – since I had music blasting in my ears – it’s very likely for those who didn’t have their ears occupied, may have heard me let one blow.

I feel that ipods and MP3 players should have a warning sign:

Warning: Pass gass at your own risk.  You may not hear it, but they will !!!

IF I were stranded on a tropical deserted island…

If there was a possibility of that happening here is how I’ll react:

“Holy shit this is too much like a reality TV show.  This has NOT happened, I’m dreaming,” – pinch – “Ouch, ok, that hurt and crap, I’m stranded.  Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Sure I’ll curse, there is no one to judge me but me, and I like cursing because it allows me to express myself.  “Fuck, now the damn mosquitoes are going to have a fun time sucking on my blood. Great!  Ooh, crap, okay, relax and prioritize.  First, water – I mean come on, I have seen so many reality TV shows as well as movies not to know that – then shelter, then food, then lots and lots of therapy.  Ooh, maybe I can Google how to survive in a jungle/tropical island, but wait.  I don’t have a computer, or Internet.  Crap!

Holly Crap!

 

 

I would try to calm myself down and take action, anything that is water/liquid related would be stored in a cool dry place.   IF it so happens that after searching high and low, I find no water, I will have no problem drinking my pee provided, I had somewhere to store it.  If that were not an option, well then I would probably die sooner or later, most likely within a day or two. 

Stuck in the Bathroom

I was in Stockholm, Sweden sightseeing when I had the urge to use the bathroom. I asked around and was told there is a public bathroom not too far from where I was. I was shown the way and then left to figure out what I’m supposed to do. The place I was led to turned out to be a one-room public walk – in bathroom. In order to use the facilities I would have to insert two coins.

By the time I figure all of this out, I’m in desperate need to relieve myself or all will be shamefully displayed. So I fish out two coins and fly into the bathroom. The bathroom is a one room with no windows and a solid metal door. The door slams shut and I precede to hand everything I have bought so far, all my souvenirs, on this one hook on the door. The time is ticking and I know I will be doing it in my pants any second now.